Jerry Springer
by AngelicRose8
Summary: What happens when the characters of Phantom go to the Jerry Springer show? EC RC ER RM EM EMdG slight AF FMdG, Who's Meg's father? There's a special guest for Christine! And much more!
1. Jerry Springer Show

**Jerry Springer Show**

"_Wasting Technology since 1991._"

The music started throughout the building and the crowd buzzed in excitement. Steve, the bald guy, walked through the door to find some people cheering and some random people booing. Smoke filled an entrance to the stage in a dramatic affect. A figure appeared in the smoke and walked onto the stage. The crowd cheered when they saw it was Jerry.

"_Jerry…Jerry…Jerry!_"

Jerry thanked the crowd and walked around shaking people's hands. The banner on the screen read, "_Secrets, lies, cheaters, angels, masks, and mayhem!_"

"Thank you." Jerry said to the crowd. He continued, "Thank you. Welcome to the show. Today our guests say they have secrets that need to be revealed. Let's meet Christine Daae."

The crowd cheered for the young woman sitting in the chair on the stage.

"Christine, tell us what's going on." Jerry said.

"Well it all started when I was younger. I met this man who became my teacher...my Angel of Music."

Jerry laughed for a second and asked, "Wait…your what?"

"My Angel of Music." She replied. Jerry had a blank expression on his face. Some people from the crowd snickered. A sudden sound effect of a choir of angels blared through the PA system. Everyone laughed at this but Christine looked upset.

"Sorry…" Jerry said, "Continue."

"He looked after me as I grew up…but it seems his feelings for me grew into something else."

"Like what?"

"Like he loved me."

"Oh, I see." Jerry said and then paused. "May I ask something?"

"Sure." Christine responded.

"Have you ever been touched by an angel?" The crowd laughed and then Jerry shook his head and said he was sorry. "I had to ask."

"Well I started to feel attracted to him too, but my childhood sweetheart came back into my life."

"Awww." Various people from the crowd said.

"And it was a constant struggle to choose between the two. When my angel committed crimes I choose Raoul, my childhood sweetheart."

Another sound came from the PA system; it was the sound of police sirens.

"Something tells me this guy isn't much of an angel." Jerry muttered.

"So I became engaged to Raoul but eventually started to fall back in love with my angel…"

The heavenly choir sounded throughout the building. Christine ignored it and continued.

"But the time came for me to choose again and I chose Raoul. But I brought him here to tell him a secret."

"Uh oh…" The crowd said.

"Just wondering, when is the wedding?" Jerry asked.

"In three days." Christine replied.

"That's not good." Jerry commented. He paused and then asked, "What is this secret?"

"I've been with my Angel again." Christine replied.

Jerry laughed and looked on his cards, "Just to let you know…your 'angel' is named Erik. I'm telling you because it's starting to sound a little weird when you say that."

The audience clapped for Jerry and then he said, "Ok…well. Let's meet your fiancé, Raoul."

The crowd cheered as Raoul walked on the stage. "Raoul, welcome to the show."

"Thanks Jerry." Raoul replied.

"Christine, do you have something to tell Raoul?" Jerry asked.

"Yes." She turned her attention to her fiancé. "Raoul…we have been through so much. But I brought you here to tell you I'm back with my Angel…"

"Erik." Jerry laughed. The choir of angels blared through the PA system.

Raoul jumped up from his seat, "What? How can you do this to me! After all I've done for you…He almost killed me for God's sake!"

"Wow." Jerry raised his eyebrows and muttered.

Some random girl from the audience raised her hand. Jerry walked over to her and held out the microphone.

**Random E/C phangirl**: "It's about damn time you chose Erik! Raoul's a fop!"

Raoul walked towards the edge of the stage, "Yo…you wanna go at it?"

Steve held him back and the E/C phangirl stuck her tongue out at Raoul. Raoul sat back down next to Christine but then shouted, "You can suck my ass."

**Random E/C phangirl**: "I'd rather not."

Raoul ignored her and turned his attention back to Christine. "How could you?"

"I love Erik."

"We'll meet this Angel named Erik after this commercial break." Jerry said.

The audience jumped up and cheered, "_Jerry…Jerry…Jerry!_"

* * *

_Commercials_: 

Commercial one: "This is Bob. Bob is looking cool, and with a call to Enzyte about natural male enhancement… Bob is livin' large. He gains a generous swelling of pride and a big spring in his step……….Enzyte the once a day tablet for natural male enhancement."

Commercial two: is so easy a caveman could use it…ha ha ha." The man said. It then showed a clip of this man with two cavemen, "Seriously, we didn't even know you guys were still around"

"Next time do a little research," One caveman said.

The waiter arrives. "Gentlemen, are we ready to order?"

"I'll take the roast duck," caveman on the left says, "with mango Salsa."

Caveman on the right hands the waiter the menu back, says "I don't have much of an appetite," and then glares disdainfully at Geico guy.

Commercial three: "Having problems with bullies at school? The Love Muffins can help! We are a professional team of mafia members who will protect your ass. Sign up today! Call 1-800- SUCK MY MUFFIN, do it now!"

_End of Commercials_

**Announcer**: "Do you believe the man in the walls is an angel sent by your deceased father? If so you can be apart of the Jerry Springer show!"

* * *

"Welcome back. If you're just joining us we have Christine here who just told her fiancé that she is again with her 'Angel'. Let's meet this Angel named Erik." Jerry said. 

The crowd cheered as Erik walked through the entrance. Raoul got up to tackle him but Steve stood between them.

Erik walked over to Christine and kissed her. This infuriated Raoul. He slipped past Steve and tackled Erik to the floor.

"_Jerry…Jerry…Jerry!_" The crowd chanted.

Erik and Raoul went at it for 15 seconds but calmed down afterward. Jerry watched on and wondered something. "Welcome to the show Erik. May I ask why you're wearing a mask?"

Erik looked nervous about that question but answered, "I was born with a deformity."

"Oh…I see." Jerry replied. "Why does she believe you're an angel?"

"I told her that so I could get closer to her."

"Yeah…I've been in a situation like that plenty of times." Jerry joked. "But all kidding aside, that's not the best way to go about a relationship."

"I know that now." Erik replied.

"I can't believe you Erik…Why didn't you tell me about this?" Raoul asked. Christine looked confused to Raoul's questioning. Why would Erik talk to Raoul?

Jerry looked at his card and said, "Wow…this is interesting. Raoul has a secret to tell you Christine."

"What?" Christine questioned Raoul.

"Christine. For the past 2 months I've been sleeping with Erik." Christine's eyes grew wide at his statement.

The crowd laughed and cheered. "Oh snap!" One random girl yelled.

"Erik…" Christine said.

"It's the truth." Erik admitted.

"Oh my God…this is…disgusting!"

Another girl from the crowd raised her hand. Jerry handed her the microphone.

**E/R slash phangirl**: "I'm a big fan of Erik and Raoul pairing, and I say good riddance to Christine. Erik and Raoul belong together."

"Hell no." Erik said.

"Oh, so you don't want to be in a relationship with Raoul?" Jerry asked.

"No…I don't even know why I was. I think it's all because of these shipper people." Erik said.

"But Erik…I love you." Raoul said.

"Get the hell away from me. I'm not gay." Erik said walking away from Raoul. A buzzard claiming he was wrong came from the familiar PA system.

"I'm **not** gay!" Erik repeated. The buzzard sounded again.

**A random Erik phangirl**: "He is not gay! Look at him, he's a frickin sex god."

"I like women." Erik said.

"Well…I can't blame you. He does look a little like a woman." Jerry commented towards Raoul.

"I'm not gay." Erik continued.

"If you're sleeping with a man then that would make you gay…or bi." Jerry said.

"But I'm not either one. I love Christine." Erik replied. "I have no choice…this authoress is controlling me!" (**A/N: Hehehehehehehehehehehehehe**)

Erik starts to take of his shirt for some unknown reason. Christine stares at him and strangely so does Raoul.

"_Go on the pole…Go one the pole…Go on the pole!_"

Erik walked to the pole and started to do a strip tease for the audience. Jerry's music played and the lights dimmed. Erik slid around the pole while dancing.

"_Jerry…Jerry…Jerry!_"

"We have yet another secret in store for everyone! Right after these commercials." Jerry announced.

The crowd cheered and the camera zoomed into Erik before the show went to the commercials.


	2. Part Two

Thanks to Little-Sultina, marissaisgod, and JHCLsPhoenixOfMusic for the reviews.**  
**

**Little-Sultina**: Erik's all natural ;-)

**Jana**: Erik does more for you...lol.

**Preview**: Meg enters into the weird triangle...square...circle? Whatever it is. More Erik stripping? Hmmm...you have to read to find out ;-D

**Pairings**: E/C R/C E/M R/M E/R and others you'll read about.

* * *

**Part Two**

"Ok then…backstage we have Meg. Let's welcome Meg to the show." Jerry said. Meg appeared from the door and walked onto the stage. Men cheered and whistled at the blonde girl. She smiled and sat down.

Erik was now down from the pole and he still had his shirt off.

"Welcome to the show Meg." Jerry said.

"Thank you Jerry." Meg replied.

"Tell us all why you're here."

"Well, I have a secret for all 3 of you guys." Meg said to Christine, Erik, and Raoul. "Christine, I came here to tell you I've been sleeping with Raoul."

Both Erik and Christine echoed, "What?"

"…And Raoul, I came here to tell you I've been sleeping with Erik." Meg continued, "And obviously Erik, I've been sleeping with Raoul."

"Whoa." Jerry said.

"How could you?" Christine asked both Meg and Erik.

"Christine, you left Erik for Raoul and I was there to comfort him. You're the one who decided to leave him all alone." Meg proclaimed.

"Why did you sleep with Raoul then?" Erik asked.

"Because all you could think about was Christine. You cried her name when we were making love." Meg replied.

"Oh my God…I do not need to hear this." Christine said.

"Slut." Erik commented.

This got the crowd going, "_You're a slut…you're a slut…you're a slut…_"

"Shut up." Meg replied to the crowd.

"I thought you were my friend Meg." Christine cried.

The room echoed in 'Awwwws' at the sight of Christine crying.

"I was your friend. But then I saw how badly you hurt Erik and I realized you're a bitch." Meg said and the crowd gasped. Over the PA system came a sound of a fighting bell.

'_ding ding ding._'

"Yeah!" The crowd roared as the two girls started fighting each other. The security guards broke their fighting after a while.

"We're through." Erik said to Meg.

"That's a good thing because it seems Erik was cheating on you with someone else." Jerry said looking at his card. "Let's meet that other person!"

A figure of a woman appeared in the door way. She made her way out to the stage and the four of them recognized her immediately.

"Mom!" Meg gasped.

Madame Giry walked on to the stage and the crowd cheered. "Mom…how could you?"

"I've loved Erik for so long…and I love him now." Madame Giry said.

"You biotch!" Meg yelled and went after her mother.

"_Jerry…Jerry…Jerry!_"

Madame Giry and her daughter began slapping, biting, scratching, and pulling each other's hair.

Madame Giry stopped herself from continuing and said, "Erik's mine now…so back off!"

"No Erik's **mine**!" Meg said.

"No…you're both wrong. He's mine." Christine jumped in.

"No…" Raoul said, "He's mine!"

The three women stared at Raoul in a weird way. Erik responded, "I don't like you."

"That's not what you said last night!" Raoul responded. The crowd laughed.

"Shut up. It's over between us!" Erik said.

"Yeah…so back off! He's my man." Meg stated.

"Before the show," Jerry interrupted, "we gave you a test actually…"

He paused and continued, "…and we have a special guest backstage to give the results. Everyone welcome Maury Povich to the show."

Maury walked out on to the stage with a brown envelope. Jerry gave him a microphone and Maury thanked him.

"Thanks for being here Maury."

"Thanks for having me here, Jerry."

"Maury is here because there's something **VERY** interesting going on here. And he is more famous for these types of programs...so take it away Maury." Jerry said.

Maury paused and opened the envelope. "In the case of 16 year old Meg…Erik, you are the father!"

"Ewwwwwww…." The crowd erupted.

"Holy shit! I slept with my daughter?" Erik yelled.

"Holy shit! I slept with my father?" Meg yelled.

"This is getting interesting." Jerry said. "Thank you Maury for being on the show."

"My pleasure." Maury replied.

"_Maury…Maury…Maury._" The crowd chanted. Maury exited the stage while waving to the crowd.

"Ok…Erik. I have to ask, who do you want to be with?" Jerry asked. "You have four…"

"No, Raoul doesn't count." Erik said.

"…Fine. Three choices. Christine, your daughter Meg, or Madame Giry."

"I'm definitely not going to pick my daughter. That's just weird." Erik replied.

The crowd laughed and Jerry commented, "Well you never know on this show!"

"Yeah!" The crowd screamed. "_Jerry…Jerry…Jerry…_"

"I choose Christine." Erik replied.

"Erik! After all we've been through!" Madame Giry yelled.

"Sorry…but I'm being controlled by a die hard E/C phan." (**A/N: hehehehehehehehehehehe**)

"E/C's over-rated!" Raoul randomly yelled.

"We love you Raoul!" Two girls yelled from the audience. They were from a group of Raoul fans. Unfortunately the two girls were half of the fan club. Poor Raoul.

Raoul flipped his hair back and winked at the girls who then sighed and fell over.

"Get over yourself Fabio." Erik commented.

"You wanna start somethin?" Raoul yelled.

"Bring it bitch." Erik replied.

'_ding ding ding._'

The crowd cheered as Erik and Raoul fought for the second time.

"You two stop fighting!" Christine yelled.

The two paused for a break and Erik randomly stripped off his pants. (**A/N: Happy now Jana? LOL**)

"Wow." Christine said staring at Erik. Erik walked over to her and began kissing her.

"Now she's been touched by an angel…" Jerry commented.

Raoul jumped in and started beating Erik again. The crowd cheered in excitement as Erik picked up a chair and threw it at Raoul. The chair hit Raoul in the family jewels which caused him to fall over. Poor Raoul.

"_Jerry…Jerry…Jerry._"

Erik continued his assault on Raoul, but was stopped when Steve and the security guards broke up the fight once more.

"We'll be back." Jerry said.

The crowd cheered and continued chanting Jerry's name as we fade to black.


	3. Part Three

Thanks for the reviews, Faerie in Combat Boots and broadwaygirl257.

**Preview: ** Raoul a gangster? Snuggle Fannie? And is there a new triangle forming?

* * *

**Part Three**

**Announcer**: "Did you recently find out that you had sex with your daughter? If so you can be apart of the Jerry Springer show!"

_Back to the show…_

"Welcome back to the show." Jerry said. All of the guests were sitting in their seats and were calmed down. "Just to recap…Christine was engaged to Raoul, but now is in love with Erik. Erik has cheated on Christine with Raoul, Meg, and Madame Giry. But Erik just found out that he is the father of Meg. Which means he had sex with his daughter. Meg was also cheating on her father with Raoul."

Jerry paused and then continued, "…don't you just love this show?" The crowd cheered and chanted his name.

"And apparently Erik likes to take off his clothes…" Jerry commented and the choir of angels sounded throughout the building. This got the crowd to laugh and Erik gave a devilish smile.

"And I read here that Madame Giry, you're caught up in another love triangle of your own." Jerry said reading his card.

"Yes Jerry that is true." Madame Giry said. "I love this man named Richard...he's the love of my life. But I'm caught up between him and his best friend Gilles."

"Gilles? That's an interesting name."

"It's French I think." Madame Giry replied.

"Wait…aren't you guys French?" Jerry asked. The group looked at each other and nodded.

"Do you speak French?" Jerry continued to ask questions. Madame Giry was the only one who knew how.

"Interesting." Jerry commented.

"...I'm Swedish." Christine spoke up.

"But…I thought the Swedish had blonde hair and blue eyes." Jerry said.

"Oh…I originally did but then I was constantly portayed as a brown eyed brunette." Christine shrugged.

"I see." Jerry replied. "Well…let's get back on topic. Let's meet Richard."

The crowd cheered as Monsieur Richard Firmin walked onto the stage. Madame Giry walked up to him and started making out with him. Meg clearly looked disgusted by the fact her mother was eating this man alive.

"Welcome to the show Richie." Jerry said with a laugh.

"Thanks." Firmin said and sat down next to Madame Giry.

"I thought you were gay." Erik blurted out.

"No…I'm not." Firmin replied.

"Yeah…but I thought you and Andre…you know." Erik said.

"…No." Firmin said.

One girl from the crowd raised her hand. Jerry walked over to her for her comment.

**Random phangirl**: "Who are you kidding? Every Phantom Phan knows you have a thing with Andre…I mean come on now! Admit it."

"Well let's meet Gilles Andre." Jerry said. Once again the crowd cheered and Andre walked to the stage. He saw Madame Giry and Firmin together so he ran over to Firmin and started punching him.

This caused a riot between the two friends. The guards' attentions were on those two so Erik took advantage of the situation. He started beating up on Raoul.

"_Jerry…Jerry…Jerry._"

Christine sat there like a deer in the headlights, which wasn't out of the ordinary.

Soon the guards where able to stop Erik and Raoul, along with Andre and Firmin. Andre stood in disbelief…"Firmin, I thought you loved me!"

Firmin rolled his eyes and the Random phangirl started saying 'I told you so!'.

"I love Antoinette! Isn't that right my little Annie-wannie snuggle fannie?" Firmin said.

"That's right." She said seductively and began making out with Firmin again.

"Ugghhh…please stop! Before I get sick." Meg commented.

"Yeah…don't stop." Raoul said while rubbing his crotch.

"You're sick…you know that?" Erik commented.

"At least I don't stalk people and tell them I'm the Angel of Music." Raoul replied.

"At least I don't find that arousing…" Erik pointed to Antoinette and Firmin making out.

Christine randomly started singing, "_Think of me…think of my fondling…_"

"I think you mean fondly…" Erik replied.

"…right." Christine winked.

"_Masturbate…if you don't have a date, masturbate! Masturbate to the rhythm of the music._" Erik sang. (**A/N: Joke for all my friends in school and development. Mainly my sis, Justine, Amanda, other people in chorus…lol.**)

"…OK then." Jerry said and turned his attention to the new love triangle that formed. "So Firmin, do you want to be with Andre or your Annie-wannie snuggle fannie?"

The crowd laughed and Firmin replied, "Annie."

"And do you want to be with Firmin?" Jerry asked Madame Giry.

"Of course…Richard is my bitch." Madame Giry said.

Jerry gave a weird look as they started making out again. Raoul looked more aroused than ever.

"For the love of God." Erik muttered.

"Can you please stop touching yourself? Thanks." Jerry said.

"Fine." Raoul said. He looked over to Erik and said, "Suck my ass."

"What is it with you and you're ass?" Erik asked.

"It's sexy." Raoul replied.

Erik gave him a weird stare and the two Raoul phangirls from the crowd squealed in excitement.

"And I'm like what's up?" Raoul commented randomly. (**A/N: Suck my ass and what's up is an inside joke with my friends on the bus and in the development…I decided to use these random catchphrases in this very random fic.**)

"…OK?" Jerry asked.

"Don't mind him…he's mentally retarded." Erik said.

"Yo…you wanna go at it G?" Raoul said trying to be gangsta.

"That's O.G. bitch." Erik replied.

'_ding ding ding._'

Raoul and Erik began fighting _again_. The crowd chanted, "_Jerry…Jerry…Jerry._"

"Please calm down." Christine asked the two men who were acting like boys. After a while the guards broke up the fight.

"After the break we have a surprise for Christine. Don't go away!" The crowd cheered and continued to chant Jerry's name.


	4. Part Four

Wow, thanks for the reviews Mary-Noel, angelofmusic2000, Chloe, The Persian, PhantomsPhangirl (don't send those minions, I'm updating), and possibly Truth Questor...I don't see this as a Mature rating...so I'll keep it the way it is for now. If someone else tells me otherwise then I'll change it.

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

**

* * *

Part Four**

"Welcome back to the show!" Jerry said. "Believe it or not…there's even more surprises in store." The crowd cheered.

"Word up." Raoul replied.

Someone from the audience raised their hand. Jerry walked up to her and gave her the microphone. The girl, named Chloe, said, "Raoul you are not a gangsta…you're a pansy!" (**A/N: LOL…there you go Chloe**)

Raoul looked over to Erik and asked, "What's a pansy?"

"You." Erik replied.

Chloe then flashed a gang sign at Raoul which got him more confused.

"That was a gang sign…Raoul." Erik told him.

"Oh…well, I'm from France…representin!" He tried to make an 'F' with his fingers but had trouble with it.

"If you don't shut up I'll bust a cap." Erik said to him and the crowd cheered.

"Erik, are you in a gang?" Jerry asked.

"Yeah…cause we're flooded with gangs in Paris." He replied sarcastically.

"Viva la France!" Raoul yelled. Everyone stared at him weirdly.

"Ok…well, I've been told that there is someone very special backstage." Jerry said. "Christine, let's welcome…….your father, Gustave to the show!"

The crowd cheered and Christine's mouth nearly dropped to the floor. Her father was here?

He walked through the door and smiled at his daughter.

"Daddy…how is this possible? You're dead." Christine asked.

"No, hunny. I was sick, but was kidnapped by someone and was sold as a slave." He replied.

"Erik!" Raoul yelled. Erik stared at Raoul.

"What?" Erik was obviously frustrated with him.

"You did it!" Raoul exclaimed.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"You kidnapped Christopher's father!"

"…Christine." Christine corrected him.

"Yeah, whatever." Raoul replied.

"Why the hell would I do that?"

"…Actually it wasn't Erik." Gustave spoke up. "It was my evil twin brother, Barney. We're not identical though. He's a big purple dinosaur and I'm…well…not."

The crowd laughed and Gustave continued, "And he had four accomplices. One was named Laa-Laa. The other one, which I'm pretty sure was gay, was named Tinky Winky. The other two were Dipsy and Po."

"Then why is there a grave and everything?" Christine asked.

"Government issues…that's why I was kidnapped. I know too much and they made it seem like I died. Luckily I escaped and tried to find you." He replied.

"It's ok…I've been taken care of by the Angel of Music." Christine said. The angelic choir was heard. The crowd laughed.

Gustave eyed Erik not exactly sure what to think of him. "Why'd you pretend to be her angel?"

"Well she wanted an angel…" Erik started.

"But she got someone who's anything but an angel." Jerry said. "Look…he has no pants or shirt."

Random girls in the crowd cheered. '_Go on the pole...go on the pole...go on the pole._'

Erik got up and danced around the pole as Jerry's music played. After a few minutes of that he got down and sat back in his chair while Christine...and Raoul...stared.

"Ummm…I'm not really comfortable about someone like you protecting my little girl." Gustave said.

"Why's that?" Erik asked.

"Well apparently you're a murderer, a stripper, and a sexually frustrated man." Gustave replied.

"...Don't worry all I did was take her stockings."

"So you DID take my stockings!" Christine gasped.

"Yeah." Erik admitted.

"You're a pervert." Christine said.

Erik thought about it and replied, "Yeah."

The crowd laughed. Jerry added, "Well at least he's honest."

Raoul jumped up and finally said, "Hey! I know you!"

Raoul was obviously a little slow because apparently he was referring to Gustave. Who had been standing in front of Raoul for at least three minutes. But that's ok, it took Raoul three acts before he finally figured out Christine was singing.

"Oh yeah…you're that little boy who went after Christine's scarf. And then you started drowning and I had to save you."

"Yeah!" Raoul replied.

Gustave looked over to Christine, "You still hang out with him?"

"I was engaged to him." Christine responded.

"But she's not anymore." Erik cut in.

"Good." Gustave muttered.

"But hopefully she'll be engaged to me!" Erik paused and kneeled down by Christine. "Christine, will you marry me?"

The crowd cheered and 'awwws' were heard. Raoul too was 'awww'-ing

Christine looked dumbstruck and didn't reply.

"Shit." Erik said hitting Christine in the side of the head with his shoe. She had the deer in the headlights look. "She froze again."

"Don't hit her…it will only make her worse." Madame Giry said.

"Damn, sometimes she's stuck like this for hours." Erik said.

"My fault…I dropped her on the head when she was a baby." Gustave said.

"Well that explains it." Erik replied.

There conversation was interrupted by Raoul who for some reason fell out of his chair. "Ow."

They all rolled their eyes and ignored Raoul. Christine still stared into space with her weird expression.

Someone from the crowd raised their hands to ask a question, "Hi Jerry. I have a question for Gustave. How in the hell did you get kidnapped by the Teletubbies and Barney?"

The crowd laughed and cheered for the man who asked that question. Gustave replied, "They're vicious. Don't let them fool you. Especially that dinosaur..." He paused and then said, "Friendly my ass!"

"Then who's in the grave?" Erik asked.

**_Dun Dun Dun…_**

The crowd paused for an answer.

_pause_

_pause_

_pause_

_pause_

_still pausing_

_dramatic effect_

_pause_

_is he deaf?_

_pause_

_still pausing_

_any second now_

_pause... _

"…No one." Gustave replied.

"Oh." Erik said. "Well that pause was pointless."

"...Ok then. We'll be back!" Jerry said. The crowd cheered as the camera zoomed around. It stopped in front of Christine and does a zoom in on her face. She was still staring out into the distance. The lights were on but no one was home.

* * *

_Tomorrow on the Jerry Springer Show_: 

_Tinky Winky comes out of the closet! And the characters from Pirates of the Caribbean tell all!_

_

* * *

_

**A/N**: No...I am not doing a new show, I just wanted to add who would be appearing in another show in my imagination Springer show world. I'm not actually writing that...lol.


	5. Part Five

Sorry for the lack of updates. I've decided to finish this, even though I'm taking a break from anything Phantom for a while. Don't ask, long story.

I hope this is at least somewhat funny, but to the people who do think it's good...thanks. And to the people who have read thus far, thanks!

BTW, during the commercials part I had to put in the Tony Little Geico commercial because I think it's funniest commercial I've ever seen. And also if you don't know who the Burger King King is, then search him in google under images. He scares the living hell out of me!

* * *

**Part Five**

"Welcome back to the show." Jerry said after the rather long commercial break.

"Oh my God, Erik! Of course I'll marry you." Christine finally said.

"Good…she unfroze." Erik said.

"Does she do that often?" Jerry asked.

"Every day." Erik replied.

"Interesting. Well let's have the audience ask their questions then."

One person raised their hand to ask a question, "This is a question for that guy over there…the one with the hair." She said pointing to Raoul.

Raoul replied, "I have hair!"

"Yeah you…why are you so stupid?" She asked and the crowd laughed.

"I'm not stupid…you're stupid."

"Good comeback." She replied.

"Yo don't mess wit me, I'll go ghetto on yo ass." Raoul said. Erik slapped his head with his palm.

"I'm surrounded by idiots." Erik muttered.

"Yeah I have a question for the masked guy." Another girl said, "Screw Christine, you should hook up with me." The crowd cheered.

Erik smiled but shook his head, "Sorry, but I love her."

He pointed to Christine who had that weird look again. Erik sighed, "Son of a…"

He took of his shoe and hit her over the head. This time it seemed to work because she woke up from her trance…or whatever it was she was in.

Jerry walked over to another person in the crowd who had their hand raised. But they were interrupted by Christine.

"Owwww." She said after ten seconds.

Jerry commented, "Talk about a delayed reaction."

"I have a question for the woman over there with the daughter who slept with her father. Why the hell would you let that happen?"

"Well, obviously I didn't know it was going on." Madame Giry said with an attitude.

The feisty woman from the audience jumped up, "I _know_ you're not giving **me** an attitude…"

"What if I am? What are you going to do about it?" Madame Giry asked.

The woman from the audience started to head down the stairs to the stage. Madame Giry got up to meet her halfway but the security guards held both women back.

"Bring it, bitch!" The woman yelled.

"Come on then…" Madame Giry said suggesting she walk to the stage but obviously the woman couldn't because of the security guards.

"Why don't you come here?" The woman yelled.

"I'd rather not." Madame Giry yelled and the crowd booed. Both women sat down and Jerry walked over to another audience member.

"My question is for the guy with the floppy hair…" The woman from the audience pointed at Raoul. "Him."

"Me!" Raoul exclaimed happily.

"Yes you. How can you come out here and say that you're a gangsta? A butterfly is more gangster than you."

"Word up." Raoul said.

The audience laughed and the woman replied, "You're agreeing with me?"

"Yeah…"

"Yous a dumbass." She replied.

"Whatever! Whatever. I do what I want." Raoul started yelling. He then flipped his luxurious hair back and the two Raoul phangirls swooned.

"I have a question for the masked angel guy." A man said but was interrupted by the heavenly choir of angels. "Do you like scented candles?"

"What?" Erik asked with a stern look on his face. He was starting to get into a foul mood.

"According to Homer Simpson you're the gayest super villain ever and you love scented candles."

"How about I get one of those candles and stick them up your ass?" Erik replied.

"I bet you'd like that." The man said. This infuriated Erik. He shot up from his chair, with his punjab lasso in hand, and ran towards the man who was in the front row. The guards were not able to get to Erik on time.

Erik began to strangle the audience member to death. The security ran to Erik and pulled him off the now passed out man.

"Oh snap." Raoul said.

"And you need to shut up!" Erik yelled at Raoul.

"What'd I do?" Raoul asked.

"You're annoying the hell out of me." Erik said.

"Fine." Raoul said and looked hurt. The audience felt bad for Raoul.

"Awwwwww."

Erik rolled his eyes and sat down. Steve pulled up a chair next to him so he wouldn't do anything like that again.

Meanwhile other security guards pulled the strangled man out of the room. Jerry decided to ask, "Anyone else want to ask Erik a question?"

Everyone who had their hand up immediately brought them down. Jerry laughed and then asked, "Any other questions for our other guests?"

Most of the hands went back up. Jerry walked over to an old lady who yelled, "I came here for my Jerry beads!"

The crowd cheered and the old lady pulled up her shirt. Erik screamed in horror along with Christine. Raoul…well, you really don't want to know.

The woman got her Jerry beads and the crowd chanted, "_Go on the pole…Go on the pole…Go on the pole!_"

The grandma did what the audience asked and started dancing on the pole. Most of the audience looked disturbed or were laughing.

After a minute of that Jerry walked up to one final person. "I'm probably going to regret this, but to the weird masked guy…"

Erik's eyes narrowed at the man. "Don't think I won't kill you…"

"I'm gonna ask my question anyway…" The man paused and then added, "…How does it feel to know you slept with your daughter?"

Erik didn't hesitate…he shot right up when the man finished the sentence. Steve got up this time and caught Erik before he went into the audience.

"I mean, dude…that's pretty sick, man." The guy commented more.

Erik broke free from Steve's grip but was stopped by another security guard. In his frustration Erik turned back around and punched Raoul.

Christine cried, "What was that for?"

"I had to hit someone." Erik stated. He then picked up his chair and threw it at the guy. Erik actually had very good aim because the chair hit the man right on the head.

"Ok…that's enough!" Jerry yelled. "After the show you are going to jail, this is too much."

The crowd booed at Jerry. "Hey, he nearly killed two people. What do you want me to do?"

Raoul got back up from the ground but Erik punched him again.

"Erik, stop it." Christine said.

"Sorry." Erik replied.

"Awww…its ok my little fluffy bunny." Christine said and nuzzled her nose against his.

The crowd roared with laughter. They started to chant, "_Fluffy bunny!_"

"Awww…I think that's cute." Madame Giry said.

"This coming from the woman whose nickname is Annie-wannie snuggle fannie." Jerry laughed and the crowd did the same.

"Ok, we'll be back after the commercial break for my final thoughts." Jerry said. The crowd cheered and the camera zoomed in on Raoul who was unconscious on the floor.

* * *

_Commercials_: 

Commercial one: A commercial comes on featuring the Burger King King. God that guy is scary. Apparently the Burger King King likes to wake up in people's beds. Remember to wake up with the King.

Commercial two: We are shown Tony Little and another woman talking about an exercise machine while people in the background were using theirs.

Woman: "Tony, most people want to get into better shape…They just don't have the time."

Tony: "Well Stacy, what if I told you with just three 20 minute workouts, only one hour a week; you can increase your energy levels, strengthen your heart, reduce your stress, and shape all the muscles of your body all with one quality machine. Would you be interested?"

Woman (Stacy): "Yes I would!"

Tony: "Well Stacy, I have good news!"

Stacy: "Tell me more!"

Tony: "I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico. Yeah baby! **You can do iiiiiiiiit**!"

Geico: 15 minutes can save you 15 or more on your car insurance." (A/N: Sorry, I **_LOVE_** this commercial!)

Commercial three: "Having problems with bullies at school? The Love Muffins can help! We are a professional team of mafia members who will protect your ass. Sign up today! Call 1-800- SUCK MY MUFFIN, do it now!"

_End of Commercials_

**Announcer**: "Do you have an insanely confusing or difficult problem with your friends and family? If so you can be apart of the Jerry Springer show!"

* * *

Jerry's music played as the cameras came back to him. He was sitting in his chair and thanked the guests for coming to the show. 

"What can I say about the show today? It seems so random and had no point to it. But we should remember that in order to win the love of your life you can't lie to them. Tell them you're human and not the angel of music sent by their dead father who actually turns out to be alive the whole time. Tell your loved ones the truth. If you're sleeping around on someone it would be best to tell them rather than wait and have things get out of control."

Jerry paused and then continued, "And make sure you know the person you sleep with, because if you don't they may turn out to be your biological father. Speaking of fathers, if you are one then you should try your best to be in your daughter's life. Or they might wind up with an obsessed man in a mask who claims to be their angel of music. If you get kidnapped by the Tellatubbies and Barney, you should fight for your life to get out of their hands and back home with your daughter."

Jerry turned around to the guests and saw Raoul on the floor, "Oh and if you're French, you're probably not a gangster. Until next time, take care of yourselves and each other."

The crowd cheered as Jerry's music blasted throughout the area. Jerry walked up on stage and shook everyone's hand. Meanwhile on the screen they showed Erik walking with Steve.

"So, you're the angel of music?" Steve asked.

"No I'm not really an angel." Erik answered.

"No kidding." Steve commented.

Suddenly a man dressed in white with wings and a halo appeared from the side. "I am the angel of music…"

Erik punched the man in the stomach and threw him to the ground. Steve backed away slowly. Erik walked away and the camera faded out on the unconscious 'angel'.

_And they all lived happily ever after, The End_.


End file.
